Poor Unfortunate Souls

Vocals: Pat Carroll (Ursula)
Running time: 4:51

[The only way to get what you want]
[Is to become a human yourself]

[Can you do that?]

[My dear sweet child]
[That's what I do]
[It's what I live for]
[To help unfortunate merfolk, like yourself]
[Poor souls with no one else to turn to]

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me
Well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light
And made a switch

And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possesed
And here lately, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed-- Pathetic!

Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That want wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed!

Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying spells, Ursula, please!
And I help them, yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em
'Cross the coals

Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

[Have we got a deal?]

[If I become human]
[I'll never be with my father or sisters again]

[But you'll have your man]
[Life's full of tough choices, inn'nt it?]
[Oh, and there is one more thing]
[We haven't discussed the subject of payment]

[I'm not asking much, just a token]
[Really, a trifle]
[What I want from you is, your voice]

[But without my voice, how can I..]

[You'll have your looks]
[Your pretty face]
[And don't underestimate the importance of]
[Body language, Ha!]

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They thing a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear
What is idle prattle for?

[Come on]
They're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue
Who gets her man

Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead, make your choice
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much, just your voice

You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad, but true
If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet
You've got to pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul

Beluga, sevruga, come winds
Of the Caspian Sea
Larynxes, glacydis, ad max
Laryngitis la voce to me

[Now sing. Keep singing!]

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